When I was in school, the best way to get everyone’s attention was for someone to yell, “Fight!” Everyone would run in the direction of the commotion. The more hair pulling, scratching, and cussing, the better. The students would talk about it for days. Some fights were legendary.

You would think as we get older, we would mature. As adults, when there is a potentially dangerous disturbance, we are supposed to know to alert the proper authorities. Unfortunately, it seems that adult fights are nastier and draw greater attention. Just look at the highest rated T.V. shows. People seem to be drawn to blood, conflict, and controversy. Now reality shows rule. The ones with the most chaos and dysfunction shoot to the top, e.g., Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Dance Moms, Bad Girls Club or any of the Real Housewives franchise. People become famous and even lauded because their lives are full of scandal, decadence and dysfunction. These people become our role models. We emulate their lives, their style, their attitude, and unfortunately, their bad behavior.

Producers don’t have to pay writers to make it up anymore because reality is more compelling than fiction. Why pay writers when people will get on T.V., fuss, fight and act a fool for free? And millions will watch it and talk about it at school or work the next day. Those who missed it will go watch it on YouTube after school (or during school).

The news is filled with violence and conflict. The biggest newsmakers are the ones who scream the loudest, meanest, cruelest, most offensive remarks. In journalism school, we were taught that “If it bleeds, it leads.” Is our society getting bloodier, or are we just presented with the bloodiest aspects of it? Worse even, is it a self-perpetuating cycle?

If there is to be an end to this cycle, we have to consciously decide what our strategy is going to be. So far the strategy has been to reward the people who stir up the most conflict. Take our current presidential campaign, for example. The candidate with the most light shining on him or her is the one who makes the most controversial comments. This has been the process… Candidate A says something offensive (“Send them back!” or “Don’t let them in!” or “Put up a giant fence!”). Candidate B says something back (“You’re a racist!” or “You’re an idiot” or “You’re un-American!”). Reporters yell, “Fight!” Everyone watches. It’s the schoolyard fight for grownups.

When all of this conflict and negativity is going on among adults (who should know better and do better), what should we expect from kids? High school is a microcosm of the larger society. The students are modelling the behaviors of their parents and teachers. However, that cannot be an excuse. Those who do know better (whether children or adults) must do better and set the example for others to do better. Continuing to lament the problem and blame others for it changes nothing.

If our school, for example, were to see an increase in fighting or bullying, everyone would suffer consequences. This would make it harder for teachers to teach effectively. Administration would probably come up with more severe discipline measures. Then all students would end up feeling penalized because of stricter policies, even those who never did anything wrong. Therefore, it is in everyone’s best interests to offer up ideas for solutions. At the very least, each person can make a conscious effort to become a role model and set a good example. Some people may not know better. Their only role models may be the “bad girls” or boys on T.V.

So if your peer is speaking negatively about someone else, find something positive to say. If you notice someone who seems to be isolated and alone, be friendly. Record positive, creative and inspiriting events to post on Snapchat. Finally, if somebody yells “fight,” try to be a peacemaker (or at least run toward the peacemakers). It may not get that much attention, but everybody will be better off.